Charlie Should Be Sheen And Not Heard

...No suck luck. The Charlie Sheen saga is still in full swing, each day feeding us a bigger slice of his bonkers world.
He recently divulged that he was living in his LA mansion (named 'Sober Valley Lodge' - you're only kidding yourself Sheen!) with 2 women, which he refers to as "the goddesses". The actor told a US radio station that the 2 gals - porn star Natalie Kenly (above right) and model Rachel Oberlin (above left) - both sleep in Charlies bedroom. Where does the party animal himself sleep I hear you ask? Well, the lucky dog apparently gets to choose who he sleeps with each night. Sounds slighlty polyamorous to me but whatever floats their
boat!
Over recent weeks the Two And A Half Men star has been on a media rampage, splashing himself all over the TV, radio and newspapers and magazines galore. His antics are always bizarre and these days he is never without new GF Rachel Oberlin by his side. Tales of insane partying and drug abuse have left his fellow cast members more than concerned, and with quotes like these, it's not hard to see why....

Preaching his sobriety Charlie stated "I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen." It's good to know that life is now his biggest high! (Please apply an appropriate level of sarcasm)

Offering an explanation as to why there's been a sudden explosion of his opinions lately, "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins." I'm sure he will serve the people of LA with an incontestable justice.

Charlies father, actor Martin Sheen, made his feelings known on talkshow The Alex Jones Show that his son suffers from alcoholism. His son's response? "I have a disease? Bullsh!t. I cured it … with my mind." And you can catch Charlie Sheen at local AA meetings passing on his jedi-mind tricks to recovering alcoholics across the LA area. Amazing.

And the final tit-bit of Sheen genius; his reasoning behind not attending this years Oscar's, "I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big." Maybe Charlie's govener, Mr Swartzenegger can offer him some advice?

I can't see this whole 'thing', which we could perhaps now call 'Sheen-gate', ending well. The most recent update being Charlie's ex Brooke Mueller yesterday winning sole custody of their twin boys, with Sheen having to stay 100 yards from both her and the kids. If Muellers allegations are in fact true that her ex threatened to stab her eye with a pen knife, then I'm not surprised that the Los Angeles Superior Court swung in her favour!

When questioned by People magazine Charlie declared

"This is me warming up."
I fear for us all.