Hitting the quarter century mark this July has made me assess various aspects of my life; freinds, boys, jobs and generally made me think - what the hell am I doing?
I started this blog after doing a short internship at Closer magazine in a bid to start a career in the world of magazine journalism. Since graduating university i essentially wasted a lot of time back in my home town of Exeter getting well, wasted. Going from job to job living for the weekend. Everyone wants to build a career and do a job they love, or start a family and find contentment with their surroundings. It's easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of going to the same places with the same people, which was something I intended to change. Sending my CV to every magazine I could think of I spent a couple weeks in London at Closer which opened my eyes to a life that I really could live if I put in the work.
During my stint in the big city my great aunt sadly passed away, a woman who was quite a big part of my childhood. Her passing brought back memories of the magical garden filled with four leaf clovers, pink wafer biscuits, home made yorkshire puddings and the knitted surprises she left in the bed for me and my sister. Her funeral was a lot harder than I anticipated. As the coffin drifted down the the centre of the room to Eva Cassidy's Over the Rainbow my eyes filled with tears and I was genuinely overcome with emotion and saddened by the lack of faces that were there to pay their respects.
Funerals are funny things, a macabre and morbid cloud lingers as the coffin sits awaiting the flames while we stand and sing hymms. It was one of the most upsetting moments I've had to deal with so far which was made harder by the fact that I didn't expect it.
Going to that funeral, and my time in London really made me assess the people in my life. I have a large group of friends and a good family but who are the ones that would actually be there when I needed them? Family, of course, are always there whether they like it or not, but what about the others? If I really think, I could easily count the friends that matter on one hand...easily. The ones you know wont judge you for your actions or the silly mistakes you make, that'll be there at 4am on the other end of the phone and who have the only advice you take when you've had your heartbroken. I had a recent heart-to-heart with my best mate whose dad recently told him - These are the years, you'll make a handful of friends that'll stay with you and stick by you. There comes a time where an endless amount of friends that are there to party with just isn't enough. When you get to an age where life-changing decisions are about to be made is it someone offering you a cocktail to forget your worries or someone who will encourage you to be the best that you can be that you need? For me, the time has definitely come where I know where I want to be in life and who will still be around when I get there, and for those few who have shown me no judgement and shared so many things over the years, I am truly grateful.
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